Poetry
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A few years ago, & for a few years, a wonderful woman named Salli Ritch-Smith lived at my house. She helped me with my kids, she reassured me when I cried about my books, when I thought no publisher would ever buy them. She read every word I wrote, and my characters were as real to her as they are to me. When we went to Arizona a few months before she died, she would point out a yucca plant that Cora had picked in Free Falling, & we would laugh about our favorite scene. She listened to every dream I had, & she believed in every one - no matter how silly, no matter how far-fetched. I think that's because she believed in me, & she was filled with love. She accepted people and really, all living things, & all cultures, in a way that not many people exhibit. She never interfered, but she knew what was happening in my life. I always wonder if she knew that sometimes my heart ached, & sometimes I felt lonely. She never said. I wish I could talk to her often now, & now she is gone. A while ago, her son gave me a book of poetry that she had written over the years. In it, I saw her own heartaches and dreams, and a little bit of what she was. I saw that she had heartaches and grief and love, and that we were alike in ways I hadn't known when she was alive. All that time, she had been writing. Long before I ever dared myself, she was writing. I didn't know that at the time, but I know it now. My greatest dream has always been to live some sort of Bohemian life, where poets come & go, where they leave little tendrils of who they were, like little clouds that take a shape that you recognize, a shape that you know, & then if they fade away, they will leave something of themselves behind. And they would be free to write & to love & to be who it is they really are, untarnished by doubt & unfettered by what the regular world says should be. When I am very sad, it comforts me to know there was someone who knew that all along.
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You mustn't
mind our being lost like this;
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When I come
here again. . .
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Winter:
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The Northern
sky is purple & the trees in this midwinter light
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In the spring before she died, we travelled together to Arizona. I took this picture.
